I was recently described as "passive-agressive". I have been called a lot of things in my life, but never this. It intrigued me. I let it sit for a while...letting myself think about this...
Somehow, it did not seem to fit who I really am..
So, I investigated the meaning of the word and some of the associated behaviors. Following is an excerp from an article I found on the internet:(http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/Pass_Agg.htm)
Passive aggressive behavior stems from an inability to express anger in a healthy way. A person's feelings may be so repressed that they don't even realize they are angry or feeling resentment. A passive aggressive can drive people around him/her crazy and seem sincerely dismayed when confronted with their behavior. Due to their own lack of insight into their feelings the passive aggressive often feels that others misunderstand them or, are holding them to unreasonable standards if they are confronted about their behavior.
Procrastination: The passive aggressive person believes that deadlines are for everyone but them. They do things on their own time schedule and be damned anyone who expects differently from them.
Fear of Dependency: From Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The Passive Aggressive Man. "Unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you. He wants you to think he doesn't depend on you, but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit. Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory if he denies his need for your support."
Ambiguity: I think of the proverb, "Actions speak louder than words" when it comes to the passive aggressive and how ambiguous they can be. They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean. The best judge of how a passive aggressive feels about an issue is how they act. Normally they don't act until after they've caused some kind of stress by their ambiguous way of communicating.
The passive aggressive needs to have a relationship with someone who can be the object of his or her hostility. They need someone whose expectations and demands he/she can resist. A passive aggressive is usually attracted to co-dependents, people with low self-esteem and those who find it easy to make excuses for other's bad behaviors.
Hmmm...I don't think so....
However, I have been also described as "Type A", which has always seemed more appropriate to me...http://stress.about.com/od/understandingstress/a/type_a_person.htm
Since researchers started studying Type A personality over 50 years ago, it’s become a household term. Most people now know that Type A personality characteristics have something to do with being competitive and work-obsessed, and can bring an increased risk of health problems.
Additionally, Type A behavior often includes:
- Competitiveness
- Strong Achievement-Orientation
- Certain Physical Characteristics That Result From Stress and Type A Behavior Over Years
Physical Characteristics:
The following physical characteristics often accompany TAB:
- Facial Tension (Tight Lips, Clenched Jaw, Etc.)
- Dark Circles Under Eyes
Yep...Type A seems to fit.
Why is this important to me? Because until you have an understanding of who you are...
You cannot embark on the journey and road to grow from it.
Over the years, I know this about me...
One of my favorite bosses was asked...What is Deb's best and worst qualities...
He said: Her drive to complete a mission...as both...
And, that is it...sometimes your best quality is also your worst quality...
I have been working for years to soften my edges...
Being married to Jamie has been my salvation in many ways...
I still am a work in progess...
But, at least I know what I am working on...
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