Soup Lady, "Cooking from the Heart"

A Toast for Alice

Today, Folly and her family said good bye to Alice.  Who is right now...traveling...

Somewhere over the rainbow...

 

Here is to you, Alice...

 

LA, Our Way...

Funny, how life throws you curve balls.  This weekend, Jamie and I had plans with Jason, Summer and the kids to go to LA.  To show them LA...our way.  Except, Jamie got sick.  We debated...should we just let the kids have the hotel room and have a nice get away?  But, LA can be tricky...so I decided to go...Boy, am I glad I did...to quote Jason, "It was magical"...

Before Pappa got sick he sent a message..."Get ready for Jawfish and Buckfish"...well, we got ready allright~~~~~

Come...and join us for our "adventure"...

Here we are, crossing over to the "other side" of the train track...

Waitin' for our ride...

Then, for some reason...we began to wonder...if we were on the right side.  Jason checked out the website...uh oh...wrong side.  Off we went running back to where we came from.  Just in the nick of time...

Settling in...

As we were traveling...Kailey noticed this man.  Very dapper.

The girls and me "started" to play Life.  And then, this boy comes over to us and says, "hi, are you playing life".  "Yes, we said".  I could see my game playing days were number.  Grandma got booted for a boy!!!!

Buh, bye...grandma...

Once you get to Union Station you never know who you will meet.  This day we met a woman who strung candy to make creative necklaces.  Of course, we needed to fun fashion accessory...

Off we go to the Grammy Museum...

Before this trip I rehearsed a walking, museum day with the girls in Riverside.  To gauge how they would handle this trip.   Deal with the long travel.  Walking with packs.  Before we left Jamie and I hoped the girls would be interested in the Grammy museum.  Well, I am here to tell you...they did better than my wild expectations.  They really enjoyed the museum.  Particularly the music room where they could play instruments.  Kailey got hooked on the drums.

Then, off to Lawry's Carvery.  I love eating with the girls.  They are both very discriminating food critics.  I love to hear how they describe what they like...and don't like about the food they are eating.  Surprised by which of them is willing to take a risk with some new food.  Sammie actually tried the creamed horseradish sauce...and liked it!!!!

Ice Cream for dessert...

Next stop...the Bon Adventure...

From our room...we could see the pool.  While Jason and I went to the room the girls went to check out the pool. 

The slumber party.  This, my friends was the unplanned, unexpected gem of the trip for me.  The whole experience.  Living with someone...even for a night becomes very revealing.  You can choose to sit around and watch TV and succumb to the exhaustion of the day...or take the opportunity to dig deep and take time to expose yourself in a vulnerable way.  We chose the latter...

Cocktails and Curtis by the pool...

This...is Curtis.  He nigga walked over to our table.  Zeroed in on me, "Are you somebody"?  "No, I am nobody".  He then began to ramble about how I reminded him of Carol Burnett...or someone like that from that era.  Me, thinking to myself...damn...I must look really old!!!!  Then...he shuffled over again.  "No, not Carol Burnett".   Instead, "Some girl from Living Color with Jamie Foxx".  At the end of our visit...Curtis gave Jason his card.  One side...something that expoused family values.  The other...something to do with adult entertainment.  And so you have it...the two sides of Curtis...

The gangsta...

The daddy...

Once again in the room we made dinner plans.  Grandma and girls stay at the hotel...Jason and Summer trek off for food and snacks.  Here are the shots of their journey...

Then, finally we snuggled in.  Bed arrangements were made...

Kailey on the floor next to the window...a bird's eye view of the city lights...

Summer and Jason one bed...

Sammie and grandma the other bed...

Some rum and cokes...dinner...snacks...Disney in the background...

Girls watching TV...

Grandma, Summer and Jason...in one bed...

Summer and Deb side by side...holding hands...

Jason at the foot of the bed...

Tired, fed, cocktailed...comfortable...

And then...the magic...

An honest exchange of who we are...open, raw, personal, vulnerable...safe...the "magic"...

We learned so much about each other...

What I learned about Jason: He has a condiment issue, he is the same personality type as me, similar childhood as me...

What I learned about Summer: She is growing as a woman, with the help of her man, she really is as sweet as she seems on the surface...really!!!!

What I learned about Kailey: She sleep talks and walks, she gets the City....

What I learned about Sammie: She will hock you with her leg and blast you with her butt when she sleeps, she writes poetry...

What they learned about me: More details about what they learn from the blog...less surface...more substance...

In the morning...I got up to go find my coffee and watch the City I love so much wake up. As I was going down the hall I found this cute little catsup bottle.  A perfect give for my condiment "issued" sone in law.  Here is Jason facing his condiment fears!!!!

Then, our herd was packed and ready to go.  Off to the Pantry for breakfast...

After breakfast we packed up the leftovers.  There is always a homeless person on the street who can use a nice meal.  Just before we were to enter the subway I saw his legs...tucked under the railing...

He wasted no time diving into the morning goodness...

Off to the observatory...

The Mayor...

The City reaches out to each of us differently...

For Kailey...it was the City itself.  She was captivated by it...to observe every essence of it...

For Sammie she was inspired to capture it through photography and poetry...

Fly, throw my hart

You will see how I can fly

Fly, fly and fly to my hart

This one is for you Papa.  Thanks for treating us to our LA weekend!!!

 

 

 

Vegas, Baby...

Dreams...are a funny thing...

Jamie and I dreamed of his retirement...

Get to stay home.  Be with Harley.  Company for each other...this did not work out...

Get to stay home.  Come with me on travel trips.  We practiced this week.  I had a quick trip to Vegas.  I flew.  Jamie drove.   This did work out...

With Harley gone...you could argue it made it easier for Jamie to pick up and come with me.  No responsibility at home.  Except, I would give up this freedom and flexibility to have my boy back.  Jamie and I miss him terribly.  Instead of getting rid of his stuff...we have added the shrine.  This is going to take some time.  I am not in a rush.  To get rid of his stuff.  To put away his things.  To not feel responsible for him.  I miss him deeply.  There is a hole in my heart.  A hole in my home.  A big gigantic hole!!!!!

Any way, Jamie did come to Vegas.  We did get to do some quick exploring of the city...

I love these shots.  How the reflection captures what you see in front of the camera...and what you don't....

The Venetian...

Dinner at Zefferinos...

Jawfish..

The City...

Ok, here comes the confession...

A couple of years back Jamie and I Pricelined a hotel.  We got Bill's.  Our room overlooked the walkway.  So, in our boredom...we stood naked in front of the window and danced for the people.  Lucky for them...the windows were blacked out and they could not see us.  I know...we are weird...

We ended up seeing Vegas the Show, at Planet Hollywood.  As we were leaving the lead singer walked right by us...what a beauty!

We took the bus from our hotel to tour the city.  Jam packed sardine can...Looks like everyone else had the same idea...

Our hotel...

Our view...

 

Vegas...Gone Bad...

Every year Jamie goes with Jimmy to Vegas for a boys' trip.  This year was no different...except the fact both of them got so sick and spent most of their time in the hotel room...so sad.

On their way.  Jamie texted me this shot before the barfing began...

Checking in...

Cool building...

Penny Slots...

 

Walk Like an Egyptian

The Service

Closure...is essential.  Jamie and I have struggled with the loss of Harley.  Not ready to put away his toys.  His bed.  His food bowls.  The volume of loss we feel for his daily essence screams loudly to us each day as we realize...he is... never...coming...back...

One morning, before work, Jamie said..."Let's plant something in our garden in memory of Harley".  "Great idea", I said.

On my way to work...ring...ring...It was Tauna.  "Tim and I were thinking we would like to get you a plant for your garden".  "Great idea", I said.

I then realized, it was not only Jamie and me who were mourning the loss of Harley.  So we decided to have a small ceremony in the yard he loved to play in and poop in....

We took the Saturday before to get ready for the party.  Our tension was high.  Fighting about nonsense.  There is a statistic about couples who divorce after the loss of a child...it is quite high.  I can see how this could play out.  Not sure how to deal with the loss...it takes shape in a very weird dynamic in the relationship. We literally fought every step of the way...

Here we are at Jilbertos for a quick breakfast burrito...

The flowers ...

At Winco, we ran into this couple who had 2 pomeranians.  Needing a puppy fix, the couple was so lovely to let us pet and love up on the puppies.  Warm bodies.  Fuzzy butts.  Just what we needed to ease some of the tension...

Setting up the memorial...

Harley "loved" parties.  He always knew when mommy started to cook and get out the dishes company was not far away.  From his vantage point the purpose of these parties were always for him.  He loved people, and people loved him...

The cake...

The food...

Berries and fluff...

Mommy and daddy...

The selection process...

Harley's Rose...

Friends...family...the anchors in our life...

The Service: A planting ceremony in the rose garden...

 

During the ceremony, Jamie surprised me with a locket.  Photo of Harley...In loving memory...

The party.  This one's for you Harley...as they all have been...we love you baby boy...

In Loving Memory

Jon Lewis:  I am so sorry to hear that you lost Harley.  He was a great dog.  If you need anything and when you want to talk, just call me any time of the day or night is fine.  We love you guys.  Once again I am so sorry for the loss.

Robyn Lewis:  I am so sad to hear this news! I remember how hard that was when we picked up murphy...hang in there!  We are thinking of you guys. We love you guys!  

Tracy Smith:  Sorry about your puppy.  Hugs to you.

Brett & Billie: Jamie & Deb - We are SO sorry for your loss.  Can't imagine what you are feeling and going through right now.  Harley had a great life as your baby if that helps any.  Let us know if we can do anything to help you guys out!

Fab Mundo:  I’m sorry to hear brother…I’m sure he’s in a far better place feeling no pain.  Stay strong guys, go save another little guy at the pound.

Dave Weiser:  Sorry to hear the bad news.  Funny how these creatures come into our lives and become part of the family, it’s truly love at first sight. Not sure why God’s plan is to only allow our puppies 6-13 years with us when we should have them forever.  I guess that is forever in the Doggie world unfortunately.  What a great friend he was.  You and Deb will miss him dearly.  Say Hi to Sid for me Harley!

Sabryna  Hawes:  Oh Mr. Whitney, I am so sorry.  He was such a wonderful dog.  I will let Rebecca know and we will keep you and your wife in our prayers.

Scott Whitney:  Jamie I am so sorry for your loss. These creatures bring such happiness and joy to our lives that they must be a gift from God. Harley was an exceptional boy and he lived an exceptional life with you and Deb. If there is a dog heaven, he is there.  I know you are going though a tough period of mourning. Time will slowly heal the wounds.  Are minds and hearts are with you.

Vivian Lee:  I am so sorry to hear about your dog.  L

Mary Whitney :  Oh I’m so sorry.  Big hugs 4 U n Deb.  I love you guys with all my heart.  XXOOXX

De Ana:  So sorry,, that’s terrible.  I can’t imagine.  Well, hang in there.

Corrine Jones:  Oh no Jamie.  I was really hoping for better news.  I know you both were too.  Yes, a very sad and hard day.  Wishing you a better day friend!

Jeff Whitney:  We are so sorry to hear the news.

Judy McLaughlin:  I am so very sorry.  I remember when you got him :-(

Karen Berg:  Oh no I am so sorry.  I did not know he was sick.  It won’t be the same without him.

Miriam Rice:  I'm so saddened to learn of the death of Harley (my Buddy).   I totally fell in love with him when I was with you and I have the two darling pictures that I took of him while I was there.  It's hard to lose a family member and he was a true member of yours.  My heart and prayers go out to you.  I love you both.

Missy Whitney:  Harley was a beautiful child. I feel for you. Losing a furry child is real pain. Know in your heart that YOU gave Harley a wonderful life and that is all you, a mere human, can do.

Joe Weiser:  There is nothing I can say to help but to say I’m truly sorry for your loss.  My friend it will take time but he is running over the Rainbow Bridge chasing his favorite toys.  Love you both and feel your pain.  We know how hard it is to lose a pet.

 

 

 

Alice...

Alice...is Folly's mom.  Larger than life.  Comes from the same generation as my mom.  Big, bold, living life...their way.

Alice...was diagnosed with melanoma in the eye, which was removed a while back.  I actually have a photo of her with her "groovy" eye patch and glam wig.  Ever the fashion setter...

Yesterday, Folly and her dad took her to Loma Linda Hospital.  She was not feeling well: loss of appetite, stomach pain and loss of energy.  I knew Folly was taking her in so I took the afternoon off to be there for her as she needed me in any way.  She asked me to get her dad.  The long wait too much for him.  I got him.  Together we navigated our way home.  Together we shared about our lives.  Together we worried about the news...

I got Cy home.  Called Folly.  The eagle has landed, I said...

She began to cry...

The news...

Doctor believes the cancer has spread to her liver...

Oh no...

In hindsight...same symptoms as Harley.  I pray...not the same diagnosis...

I am waiting to hear back from my friend...my love...my life...

I am here for you...as you have been for me...

The circle of life...

The circle of friendship...

Please, if you read this blog...

Send out your good wishes, prayers, karma, energy...or whatever word you will put her...

For hope for the family...for a miracle...

For Alice...

Chicken Fajitas

Church Hopper

Confession time. I think overall, my life is "perfect" for as "perfect" as life can be.  This does not mean I don't have challenges, anxieties, anger, disappointment or any other word you want to put here.  I am human and I allow myself all of the above...and more...

However, I have found a peace and contentment that I attribute to my faith in God..  I have built up a very strong, individual relationship with God.  Crave my time with him...

But...there is something missing.  A family church.  I don't mean a church where you go every Sunday and hear a message.  Get involved with some small church and when you have adversity no on shows up.  When you have so many common interests with people and no outside friendship sparks.  When you volunteer on a regular basis and no friendships form.  That seems dead...to me...

I want something living...so I have become a "church hopper".  I have talked to Jamie and he does not try to stop me...but he warns me..."they are all the same".  I know he is probably right...but...I am not ready to give up the search.

Last Sunday, over my planned depression weekend...I got home early and decided I would try a church that used to be at Cal Baptist and recently moved since they are growing so fast.  Led by a young, dynamic Pastor...Pastor Matt.

So off I went...on my own...trying to find my way to a church family...

Here is the building tucked into the industrial center of Riverside...

As I listened to the sermon...I also observed...

Coffee shop in the front lobby...big comfy chairs with TVs so you could hear the service.  I liked that.

Main sanctuary. I was not ready for that yet.  Besides, I arrived a little late.

Separate sanctuary with TV.  Ok, that's for me.

The sermon.  From the bible...on target...told in an inspired way.

Then, towards the end...the Vision of the Church...To be real with ourselves, God and others...

Yes, I can get down with that.  I think, for me, that is why I don't feel I fit in church groups.  I get the sense everyone "pretends" to be what they should be instead of who they are.  I don't like topretend.  Yet, I find myself pretending.  It is hard for my to "identify" with people who have not had a tainted life.  Mine, is not perfect, yet I don't feel comfortable opening up about who I am.  And that is not who I am...

During the sermon, Pastor Matt told a story about being on a plane with his wife.  Saw a man watching porn on his computer.  Elbowing his wife...look, look...She responded, I know, he has been doing that the whole flight.  Then, the surprise...Pastor Matt made a confession that he had a porn problem at one time.  How refreshing!  A true confession.  My style of journey of self-discovery towards improvement.  By announcing out loud who you are to the core.  A sinner.  Not perfect.  Yet...loved.  God loves us when we are not perfect.  And, so do our true friends and family.  Without hiding who we are under church convention....

So, my journey continues...