Credit: Internet Image
I might be having a mid-life crisis. However, as always I do things my way. I am not having a "traditional" mid life where I want to get rid of my hubby, or the life we have built together - I am married to my best friend and can't wait to explore our next phase of life together. Jamie is planning for retirement and we are having a great time figuring out this transition in our life. Gently moving from one phase to the next. He is hoping to work as an adjunct professor at CBU. Maybe heading up the year book. He is excited and scared at the same time. I am here cheer leading him along the way. Because I am invested in this man's life and happiness. He is the joy of my life. I love him with every ounce I possess. I have reconciled there is only so much time left for us in this life, but whatever it is I want to be with him and stay vital and active and together....
I have largely come to terms with who I am as a result of the life I have lived. Reconciling my childhood. My mom and I are best friends. We talk most days and we talk about everything. I have no secrets from my mom. Making peace with my dad before he died. Coming to terms with my sis and her family who have decided to extract themselves from my life.
As I said above, I made peace with my dad before he died. When he was in the hospital right before he died I baptised him in the Lord. I talked to my pastor and he told me how to do it. I know my dad believed in Jesus because he had a photo of him in his apartment. He did not even have a photo of me!!! I know I will see my dad again in heaven. I have not talked much about my dad in this blog. But, I think one of my fondest memories of him was watching him watch animal shows. I grew up with Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom and Marlin Perkins. This white haired man taking you on adventures throughout the world. My dad would be mesmerized watching this show. Today, I find myself intrigued by shows on the Science and Discovery Channels.
So, hence the mid life crisis and my way of dealing with reconciling the fact I am more than half way through this life. Create new and exciting opportunities by living out loud. Living my fantasies as best I can. Making sure the fantasies are not destructive to me or the people I love as a God loving woman.
Here are some of the thoughts and activities I am exploring during this reconciliation time:
1. Who have I become? I am the same person that was raised by poor parents. I was walking Harley the other day. For some reason I began fantasizing about being an old lady with one of those old carts lugging around groceries. I remember my mom using them when we lived in New York. I remember shopping and loading up the cart and walking home. Getting home and unloading and finding a bag of pumpkin seeds to nosh on. My mom would call snacking - pickie, noshie. She always came up with weird ways to describe things. I do the same thing. Hmmm, wonder if it is genetic. Then I thought to myself, if I had the choice to have a Rolls Royce or one of these old carts, which would I pick??? I would pick the cart. I have no clue what driving in an Rolls would be like. There is no emotional connection to a Rolls. Actually, I hate to drive. I would much rather take a bus or train. It was comforting to me to know that I am not much different than the girl born to poor parents.
2. I love the Science Channel. I fancy myself as a theoretical physicist like Michio Kaku, or even Sheldon on Big Bang Theory. Quirky, funny, intellectual. Like my dad I sit and watch mesmerized by the theories of the universe. Black holes, dark matter, dark energy, worm holes. Some theories include worm holes as the transport system to other dimensions, other universes - making the idea of time travel possible. How exciting to fantasize about the possibilites these theories hold for us. I have started a book. I am not sure I will finish. But, when you reconcile there is only limited time left you are only guaranteed beginning something. There is no guarentee you will have enough time to finish. So, I am going to begin as many new things as I can. Enjoy each moment of starting something new without worrying about whether I can finish it or not. This way of thinking is so freeing!!!
3. I love the Discovery Channel. Jamie introduced me to Dual Survival. This show is where two opposite men (one a bare foot hippie in pig tails and the other an army trained, macho sniper) are dumped off into a harsh environment and teach you how to survive the elements. Actually, Cody Lundin (the hippie) is one of the guys who teaches people survival skills. I would love to do one of these trips. I have to admit the way this world is going with wars and natural disasters I think having survival skills is not a bad idea!!! He also has an environmentally friendly house that uses no heat or air. This guy actually lived off the land in a make shift tee pee for years. How fun to learn this stuff.
4. I am seriously thinking of getting a dragonfly tatoo on my foot!!!!
So, to me I am going to enjoy my mid-life crisis. Explore the world through any means possible. Stay active, healthy and vital. Be open to the universe to the opportunities it presents. Become sustainable under normal or extreme circumstances. Value that less is more (unless you are accessorizing an outfit - smile). Be in love. Be loved. Believe in God and have faith in the things we see and don't see. Don't be afraid of starting something you cannot finish. Living my life in the idea of "New Beginnings" and not fearing the end. Knowing this life is not our final destination. Willing to take the worm hole to the next dimension - heaven awaits!!!!