As I am "focused" on getting ready for the party...I was trying to see how much I could "push" Jamie to help me...
Under normal circumstances he is there for me to give Soux Chef, clean up, dishwashing, and set up duties. However, this weekend...he was sick. Actually, he has been sick quite a bit this year.
He had done a bunch for me...yet I could see he was slowing down...When we took Red for his walk he actually turned back because he ran out of gas.
While I was decorating the cupcakes...I heard him on the phone with Folly talking about how Jamie was not feeling well. Heard Folly give Jamie his "Hall Pass"...
Folly: "You should rest. Deb is strong and healthy". She can take care of it.
Me: Thinking to myself, "Really? My back hurts. My feet hurt. I am exhausted".
After Jamie got off, "I am going to take a 30 minute break".
Me: Thinking to myself, "Ok, now what was I going to give to Jamie that I have to add to my list?" . Grumble...grumble...
Later, Jamie and I were talking...
Jamie to Deb: "I don't think you are being sensitive to how I am feeling".
Me: Thinking to myself, "He is right". Instead of Folly giving Jamie his "Hall Pass" I should have given it to him...but I was to self absorbed in the task at hand to notice...
So, in this moment I realized I was the Horse's A**.
Jamie and I made a commitment to each other for better, for worse. And not just in being able to financially setting ourselfs to be self-sufficient. Not just being able to hire someone to help if we need it. Not just the physical things. But...the emotional things...
I am not that type of person. I am a buck up...let's get it done person. Maybe this is my new lesson to learn. How to not only be sensitive to others emotional needs...but to be sensitive to mine as well.
Summer and Jason stayed after the party...we talked about this...and so much more...
I believe if we can say things out loud...to our loved ones...we can make the biggest changes in our life...
Thank you Jamie, Summer and Jason for traveling this road with me...
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